i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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