I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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