I wanna passion pit in your ass
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
