He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
