I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
