You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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