i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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