Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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