So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
