I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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