somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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