why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
