why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
