A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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