My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
