I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
