you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
