Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
