hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
