Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Less talking, more tequila
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
