That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
