i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
