Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
