Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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