walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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