Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
