Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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