and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
