i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
