Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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