I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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