I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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