i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
