in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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