Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's the barista slut.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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