Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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