I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
