we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
