you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
