as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
