Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
