Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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