it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
