he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
