I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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