I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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