I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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