Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
