Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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