Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
