possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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