My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
