Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
