Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
