Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
